Reasons to be cheerful

New beginnings.......................

2008-04-01T18:25:00.004Z

Life is full of endings and new beginnings.

My blogs have been on hold for a while as I have been going through a period of reflection.

I am decluttering.

Out with the old, making space for the new.

So for old time's sake here are 3 reasons to be cheerful today:

I love my husband and my children with all my heart. I am so blessed to have them in my life.
I am rediscovering the joy in simple things and realising that life doesn't have to be a struggle.
The sun is shining and summer is on it's way.

I may continue blogging on One Step at a Time, but then again, maybe I won't............................

Running Away - part 2

2008-01-07T21:40:00.000Z

Well despite my flippant comment, we didn't really want to risk the boys escaping, never to be seen again, so we made sure all the doors and windows were locked, and the keys hidden before we went to bed.

Matthew was awake at 6.15. He then woke James and reminded him of the big plan. James wasn't so keen on the idea by then.

Matthew: "We decided home was better than running away"

James: "Yes it's funny how you don't feel like running away so much in the mornings"

I know how they feel. There's a lot to be said for a new day!

Running Away

2008-01-06T00:17:00.001Z

James and Matthew have a plan to run away from home.

Matthew: "Mum and Dad are soooo mean aren't they James"

James: "Yes"

Matthew: "Let's run away when we get home"

James: "OK"

Me: "I'm looking forward to having pizza for tea"

Huddled whispering in the back of the car.

Matthew: "Shall we go tomorrow instead? I've got some money in my room, we can go to the corner shop and buy sweets".

James: "Yes, I've got 50 pence"

Matthew: "We'll take some drinks, but not your roboquad, it's too big"

James: "Yes and too expensive, but what about Milkshakes (the cat)"

Matthew: "I know, we'll take her with us. We'll tie some string around her neck, as a lead"

James "Maybe somebody will adopt us"

Matthew "Yes, somebody nice who has a Wii and an Xbox and cleans out the cat's litter box themselves and doesn't get us to do laundry or drying up"

Good luck boys! Missing you already!

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T23:24:00.000Z

I spent the new year in Disneyland Paris. It was the first time I had been there, so it was very exciting. Exhausting though. I went with my mum and James and Matthew. The rides were brilliant. We're all real roller coaster fans and I have to say Eurodisney didn't disappoint us.

It was a long trip. We left Gloucester at 7 am on Sunday 30th December and travelled by coach and Eurotunnel to our hotel on the outskirts of Paris. We arrived at about 5 pm the same day. The boys were pretty well behaved on the long journey. It was the first time we had tackled such a long trip so I wasn't sure how they would do. They were the only children on the coach who didn't have some kind of computer game to keep them entertained. We had to be content with top trumps and old fashioned hangman!

At about twenty to twelve on New Years Eve, we lost James. He wandered on ahead and we couldn't find him for about 15 minutes. I was just beginning to panic. It was dark, 5 minutes to midnight on New Year's Eve and there were huge crowds of revellers. We had spoken to the Disney staff who said there was nothing they could do to help. Finally my mum had got hold of a policeman who was very reassuring and said they would find him. Then suddenly I spotted him pacing up and down crying his heart out. I was so relieved to find him. We missed the fireworks, but somehow that was of little consequence once we had James back. What an adventure, it will certainly be one New Year that we remember.

Christmas pressies, dancing the night away and a trip tomorrow

2007-12-29T07:55:00.000Z

We've had a few days of technological overload, with all our new pressies. I am overjoyed with my new laptop which now means that I can lie in bed and post on my blog, thereby combining 2 of my favourite things. Steve and I have been able to chat for free to his brothers in Canada using skype, but it's been another new toy to get used to. James has been enjoying his 'Roboquad' a robotic pet that the cat doesn't know what to make of. Matthew, has been content to play with his lego morning, noon and night.
Last night we took our annual trip to the 'Grand Festive Barn Dance' at Cheltenham Town Hall. It's great fun, a band with a caller explains the steps and then we all try to do them. Note the word 'try'. I may have mentioned this last year, we had a barn dance for our wedding reception instead of a disco, so we have made it a kind of tradition to go to this one dance every year, which is in between Christmas and New Year. The last 3 years we have taken the children. I haven't been feeling well over Christmas, and so last night would have been happy to give it a miss, but the boys were having none of it. It's become part of their Christmas. I was glad we went in the end.
Tomorrow we are off to Eurodisney for the new year. I'm going with my mum and the boys. Steve has to work unfortunately. The boys are very excited, and if the truth be told, I am too!

Merry Christmas everyone!

2007-12-26T20:34:00.000Z

I love Christmas. Actually t'hink I like it more each year. Gone are the days when I feel the need to completely overindulge, or expect perfection. Perfect behaviour from the children, perfect presents or a perfect meal. Now I just accept what comes my way and enjoy it for whatever it is and in doing so I've come to enjoy it more and more.

This year I am very happy that I got a laptop for Christmas. I hope this will mean that I can get back to blogging a bit more. With only one computer in the house and 4 people who use it for various things it was getting increasingly difficult to find a 'slot'. I'm now also working full time, so have less free time available to blog. Still hopefully that will change as I can now utilise the time when other people are on the home computer to catch up on my blogging.

We have spent a lovely day with friends today. The kids and grown ups all played happily together and even though the boys were a bit hyped up when they came home they have now settled down and gone to bed.

Steve is chatting to his brothers in Canada on Skype, that's our other bit of new technology. I can't believe how much our lives are ruled by technology now, it's amazing really.

Anyway that's enough of my meandering ramblings.

Good as new, inspirational colleague and a foggy morning.

2007-11-15T22:12:00.000Z

We are due to move back into our office next week after all the flood restoration has been completed. The practice manager showed me what had been done today. It looks brilliant. The doctors even made some changes to give us more work space. I am extremely lucky to work with such a great team.
Despite the staffing problems we are facing I have been blessed with a great deal of support from a health visitor from another surgery who has voluntarily come to my aid. She has given much more support than she might have been expected to and in doing so has inspired me. I had been feeling so deflated by the problems we had been experiencing but now find myself feeling positive and upbeat, even though the situation itself hasn't changed. I have changed. I love it when that happens.
I went for an early morning run in the freezing fog. It was very atmospheric. Although the pavement was so slippy I had to run on the road. I didn't get run over though.

Synchronicity

2007-11-13T19:53:00.000Z

I am reading a book at the moment by Caroline Myss called invisible acts of power. In the book she talks about synchronicity and how everybody we come into contact with crosses our path for a reason.

Since I have been thinking about this I have become much more aware of who I come into contact with. I have started to think "I wonder why this person is here at this time".

As I have mentioned in previous posts we have been having a lot of problems at work. One of the problems was caused by our building flooding back in July, in the floods that hit Gloucestershire.

Many of our case notes were damaged and that meant that they had to be sent away to a restoration company. After many weeks they came back, but because of staffing problems we didn't have anyone to re-file them.

I was explaining all this to a colleague, when a lady sat at the opposite desk who I had never met before said "I'm sorry to eavesdrop, but if you are looking for someone to do that work, I could do it, I need some extra work".

It hadn't occurred to me to get someone in to help with this. I phoned my manager and she said yes, they would pay for as much admin time as we needed to get sorted out. This was perfect timing.

I'll be on the lookout now for more synchronicity in my life!

Progress and Friendship

2007-11-06T23:32:00.000Z

The Health Trust where I work is trialling a way of improving information sharing. Today I was privileged to be chosen as one of people to pilot a new system of accessing information from Children's Centres, out in the community. It's an exciting new development and should eventually make my working life easier and more effective. In a period when things have been quite difficult at work it was motivating to do something that felt like progress.
I had a few friends of my closest friends over tonight. One of my friends, Lynne, I particularly admire because she is honest and genuine with people. She tells things how they are, and isn't afraid to challenge the status quo. In doing so she reminds me to be honest with myself. Friends like these, in my experience, are hard to come by, but are invaluable. I am honoured to call her my friend.

Clean car, soup and autumn leaves

2007-11-05T19:09:00.000Z

Yesterday I couldn't leave it any longer. The car was in a disgusting state. It's one of those jobs that I really dislike doing (I may have mentioned this before). It's all that having to contort yourself into awkward positions and dig things out from under the seats. Then you've got to drag the hoover outside and then hoover in all the unreachable places. Then to end it all, I've always got a carrier bag full of stuff that I don't know what to do with (which is probably why it got left out in the car in the first place). Anyway yesterday I did it and today I reaped the rewards of my hard work. I got into the car and it was CLEAN and TIDY and it was LOVELY. I must remember how nice that felt.
Steve made lentil soup for tea. It was a perfect meal for a cold day. This is the first day I have felt really cold. Winter is on it's way.
The autumn leaves have been beautiful this year. I love autumn. It's my favourite season, but James tells me that I say that about every season.

Reasons to be cheerful?

2007-11-04T22:19:00.000Z

It's interesting how we meander through life. Turning this way and that. Sometimes running along at full speed, forgetting to look at the scenery. Other times we take a detour off into some unknown area. Sometimes this detour can take us in a whole new direction and sometimes it is just temporary. Sometimes, we choose to retrace our steps and look at things anew.

I have been think about these things in relation to blogging. I remember those first few heady weeks and months. The children would complain "Ohhh mum's blogging again". I couldn't get enough of it. It wasn't just the writing, it was the whole thing, learning how to do it. Then I reached a kind of plateau, my interest in the whole thing waned.

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the computer, I now need it for virtually everything I do in life, shopping, money, communicating with friends and family, keeping up my running journal, music, writing, blogging, reading other people's blogs. Steve, like me does lots of his things on the computer, photography - editing pictures, music, etc. The boys both like to play games and sometimes use it for projects. Our computer gets a lot of use. We almost have to book a time slot for it!

So anyway, I digress, I was wondering why I don't do so much blogging these days. I often think of things to write about but then when it comes to it, I sit at the computer and think "I haven't really got anything interesting to say". So I think I will go back to basics and remember why I started, to remind myself of the good and the beautiful things that touch my days. Here are my three reasons to be cheerful today:

I have been to London for the weekend with Matthew and Steve. James has been away with his friend in Wales. It's nice to be home together as a family again.
I ran this morning along the river Thames. It was a beautiful clear sunny day. Running somewhere different invigorated me and filled me with enthusiasm.
Watching our new kitten 'Milkshakes' exploring the garden. It's like a great adventure playground for her with sounds, sights and smells. When she comes back inside she races around like a mad thing.

James

2007-10-27T22:44:00.000Z

I am so proud of my children. As all parents are, I guess. Today I am feeling especially proud of James who is enjoying his new found skill with a camera.

Blackberry Picking

2007-09-12T22:06:00.000Z

I have been catching up on a few of my favourite blogs and came across Mo's post and her reference to picking blackberries. It reminded me of something I meant to blog about a couple of weeks ago:

Every year we take the boys and pick blackberries. We have a few places that we go, but one of our favourites is Starvell farm which is 5 minutes walk away from my gran's house.

My gran is 84 and quite confused. She often refuses to get dressed and rarely leaves the house these days. But picking blackberries is one of those things that seems hardwired into her brain.

So at the end of the summer holidays, we turned up at her house with our assorted tupperware containers

"We're going blackberrying, do you want to come?"

"No, I won't bother"

We cajoled and bullied until eventually she agreed.

Our little party of five set off up the road. Granny was a bit tottery on her legs at first, probably due to lack of use, but before long she was looking at her neighbour's gardens, pointing out flowers and plants (she was a keen gardener). The slight hill made her a little out of breath, another sign that her body, as well as her mind is getting tired.

We arrived at the alleyway, past the damson tree that hangs over from a neighbouring garden, through the kissing gate and into the lane. We all admired the two beautiful horses in the adjoining field.

The blackberry bushes are at the edge of the far field. I was worried that granny might not be able to cope with the uneven ground, but before long she was marching through the long grass, brambles and nettles without a thought for her bare legs.

"Ooooh look at ALL these" she exclaimed at regular intervals.

"Have you EVER seen so many"

"Oh isn't this wonderful".

We filled all our containers with big juicy blackberries.

The thrill of exhausting the supply of one branch, only to move an inch or two to the side and discover a whole new crop.

The joy of watching our pots fill up

The stab of bramble thorns snagging our clothes.

The promise of blackberry and apple crumble with fresh cream.

It has become one of our family rituals. My gran used to take me blackberrying when I was a child and now we take James and Matthew. I'm always grateful for another year when we get to do this all together.

We are building memories.

A new arrival !!!!!!

2007-09-04T16:36:00.000Z

No it's not what you're thinking! Two lovely boys is quite enough for this woman. But after much deliberation (which has lasted about 10 years), we finally took the plunge and got a kitten. We're all so excited to have a lovely, cuddly cat in the family.

James and Matthew have named her 'Milkshakes'. It's a bit of a mouthful, but they're not budging. Steve said at least they agree on it. So here she is.............................

She's a bit timid and spent the first couple of days hiding wherever she could find. In fact for a while we couldn't find her at all.

Now she's getting a little more relaxed.

Matthew.................and Snee

2007-08-15T21:52:00.000Z

Matthew is growing into a lovely boy. He is a delight to watch. He has two favourite sayings, one is:

"If I'm scared about something, I just tell myself 'I've done harder things than this'".

the other is:

"Mum, you know that advert that says 'Challenge Everything'?"

"Yes"

"Well I do challenge everything"

He's right. He does, and I love him for it. Life is not boring with Matthew around.

A few days ago the boys stayed the night at my mum's house. We dropped them off there after a day trip out. Just as we were approaching mum's house, Steve whispered to me:

"We've forgotten Snee!"

You probably have no idea of the significance of this.

Snee is Matthew's blanket that he has had since he was a baby. He is now 7. I can still remember the moment when he was 10 weeks old and Steve said, have you noticed how he holds onto to the blanket when he's going off to sleep?

It was magic.

From that moment on. The blanket went everywhere with us. It meant sleep, for Matthew and for us!

As Matthew got older he called his blanket "Nee nee".

Later he evolved into "Snee".

Snee feels to us like he is one of the family, he is more like a pet than an inanimate object.

"Snee doesn't like having a bath"

"Snee has a thousand eyes" (he's a cellular blanket!)

"Snee wants to try some of my yogurt"

"Noooooo! You're sitting on Snee"

We even have a back up.

"Twosnee".

So it was with trepidation I took Matthew to one side, when we got to my mum's and said:

"Matthew, I need to tell you something..............."

and he said:

"If it's about Snee and you haven't brought him, it's OK, I don't need him to go to sleep any more"

I was astounded.

I couldn't decide whether to burst with pride or to burst into tears because my little boy is growing up.

Water, water everywhere - part two

2007-07-29T17:31:00.000Z

I mentioned in my last post that in Gloucester, we have been living without water. It's hard to believe that just one week ago I had never heard of a 'bowser' and yet now it is a word that is part of everyday conversation for everybody in the neighbourhood:

"Have you been to the bowser today?"

"Yes, I've tried the one in outside the Church, it's empty. There's some left in the bowser opposite the social club"

Here is the bowser in the street where we live. Things got off to rather a slow start with about 450 bowsers being delivered. They were supposed to be filled 5 times a day but this proved impossible for Severn Trent water authority. Soon there were reports of unrest as people began to get anxious that there wasn't enough to go around. The police had to be brought in to the local supermarkets to keep the peace! It is interesting really because there is no shortage of anything else, we still have plenty of orange juice and coke and lemonade and just about any other drink you can think of. Contrary to people's fears and the situation portrayed by the national media, we are unlikely to die of thirst.

There are currently over 1000 bowsers in Gloucestershire. They come in a variety of shapes and sizes but are most are this bright blue colour, so can be easily identified from the road. The water shortage has brought out the extremes of human nature. There are stories of people urinating in the bowsers and vandalising them by pulling the taps off. Other people have been emptying the whole bowser for themselves and leaving none for anyone else. However, these people are few and far between, the vast majority of people have been keeping a good sense of humour. The local mosque has been distributing bottled water to those in need and many people are checking regularly on elderly neighbours.

Despite the fact that most people have been calm and orderly, there was a few days ago, a growing sense of frustration that bowsers were often empty. People were driving or walking to 10 or more bowsers and still not being able to get any water. It was at this point that Severn Trent admitted it really couldn't cope with the demand of keeping up to 350,000 people in water. It was then that the government decided to bring in the army:

I am impressed. They have brought a sense of calm and order. They are organised, polite, friendly and reassuring.

We can also collect supplies of bottled water from the same place. Bottled water is being given out by friendly volunteers:

So all in all it has been an interesting week. I have a much greater awareness of how much water I use. I am astounded at how much water is needed to flush the toilet and now find a great sense of satisfaction from collecting rainwater. I have rediscovered a simple pleasure.

On Friday I took the boys swimming and got to wash my hair after 4 days. It was bliss. Yesterday Elaine and Mog invited us over to their house for a BBQ, showers and to wash our clothes. True friends.

Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink!

2007-07-26T05:38:00.000Z

If you're in the UK you will undoubtedly know about our recent flooding. It's been headline news for quite a few days now. Last Friday a month's worth of rain fell in one day. It was quite spectacular. It rained and rained and rained. The streams burst their banks and there was lots of localised flooding. One of the problems in our area was this normally babbling brook that quickly overflowed it's banks. In this picture you can see the reeds on the left that are usually the edge of the stream. For families in the area it was great entertainment. Everybody donned their wellies and raincoats and marvelled at the scene that was unfolding before them. A popular refrain from the older people in the area was "I've lived here for X (anything up to 60) years and I've never seen anything like this before.

Further downstream the water spilled onto the road, making it impassable like so many others in the area.

We began to get a little more alarmed as the stream passes through our road. It was quickly becoming clear that this was serious. One of the houses in our street soon had a swimming pool in their garden.

Our friends who live in the house to the left of this next picture were just starting to move their valuables upstairs and call the council for sandbags when fortunately the rain subsided and water levels began to fall.

but that was only the beginning. Gloucester has the river Severn running through it. 2 days after the torrential rain it became apparent that more trouble was in store. Water pouring down from the hills had swollen the river to unprecendented levels. As we watched our neighbouring town of Tewkesbury become submerged and completely cut off by floods, the realisation dawned that we were next. The town waited anxiously knowing that it was inevitable that the river Severn was going to burst it's banks and Gloucester was going to flood.

In the midst of this people were still mopping up from the local flooding that had occurred on Friday. The doctor's surgery where I work was one such place. The stream there had burst it's banks and in a matter of moments swept it's way through the building. I spent Saturday with James mopping up my office and wondering what on earth I was going to about the 150 sets of patient notes that were now soaked in muddy water.

On Sunday we also received the news that the water treatment plant in Tewkesbury had been flooded. There was no way for people to get into it to start the repairs, so we would be without water until at least Wednesday (that was yesterday). We have now been without water for 3 days and it is expected that we will be without it for another 7 - 14 days! Believe me it is quite a challenge learning to live without running water. The water is the next stage in this unfolding saga, but I'll have to tell you about that in my next post.

Anyway, how about some reasons to be cheerful:

I now have an office that is pretty much clean and dry and ready to use.
Our house wasn't flooded
It hasn't been boring!

One more step along the road I go......

2007-07-10T22:19:00.000Z

I was brave. I had my hair cut on Saturday, very short! It has been long for quite a few years, but is now VERY SHORT. I was really scared when I made the decision to do it, but I'm so glad I did. I feel like a new woman.
I also had my ears pierced.
I think my period of introspection has brought about some changes. Either that or I'm having a midlife crisis.
Matthew is having his 'leaver's assembly' tomorrow as he goes up from infants to juniors. He has been singing the song "one more step along the road I go". It is a song I remember singing when I was at school. It seems very fitting at the moment. We are all facing changes.

3 beautiful cards, 3 beautiful presents......

2007-06-28T20:12:00.000Z

The more birthdays I have the more I like getting cards, they are the highlight for me.

This year, I had 3 special ones. The first from my Auntie Jill and Uncle Adrian shows a woman sat in an armchair reading a calorie counting book. On the arm of the chair is a box of doughnuts. On the front the caption reads:

"A quick kiss burns up 3 calories"

"......each of these doughnuts contains 200 calories........"

"so providing I kiss each one 66.67 times, I can eat them all without feeling guilty".

It really made me laugh.

Another from my friend Hilarie in Devon, had a beautiful picture of a little boy playing on the beach. It reminded me of our recent trip to visit her.

Finally from a friend that I went to school with, a card that said "love from her, her husband, their two children and then +?". A new baby on the way. Exciting!

My 3 favourite presents were:

A Garmin Forerunner 305 from Steve. I won't bore you with the details, but any runners who are interested check out my Running Girl blog.

A cross stitch from my friend Theresa. This was a cross stitch I had bought about 9 years ago, shortly after having James. I had intended to get all domestic and started it myself, but like most of my creative projects it languished in a draw for years until I finally had to accept that I was never going to finish it. As I know Theresa enjoys doing cross stitches I passed it on to her as it seemed a shame to throw it away. She stitched it beautifully, had it framed and gave it to me as a birthday present. It brought a tear to my eye. It looks beautiful and I know how much time and energy has gone into it. It has pride of place in our living room. Thanks Theresa!

My friend Elaine gave me a photograph of me and her taken at her wedding in February. It is in a beautiful marble frame and is quite comical, as we are obviously having an animated conversation.

Swollen stream, Our garden, Tides of Change

2007-06-25T20:21:00.000Z

The stream outside of the surgery where I work was very high today. It was quite exciting. Different. Dramatic. It hurtled along, a churning mass of liquid mud. Usually it's so benign, but today it looked like it was on a mission. I like the changing weather, it doesn't bother me. I like the rain, the sun, the snow and wind. I like the contrast, the changeability. I find it reassuring that things change. I think to live in a world where nothing changed would be unpleasant, even though change can sometimes be unsettling.

I'm feeling a new connection with the garden. We have lived in this house for 5 years. The lady who lived here before was a keen gardener. Somehow I've been scared to touch her garden, but this year I feel a change, it's like I'm ready to own it.

My blogging friends may have been wondering why I haven't written much lately, well it's hard to say really. Lately I have been feeling introspective. But like the weather, I know that these states of minds ebb and flow and after a period of inward thinking, of conserving energy, of making sense of things I find I am ready to face the world again, refreshed. These changes used to confuse me, I would always try to be extroverted and 'out there', now as another birthday approaches (tomorrow) I am learning to just be and accept myself as I am.

Selling stuff, sorting out and Matthew's Den!

2007-06-09T20:36:00.001Z

I've had a really good sort out day today. I got up early and did a car boot sale. The weather was warm and I got rid of quite a bit of stuff and made £20 profit. So that was quite satisfying.

Buoyed up by my success at the car boot sale I tackled the cluttered car port and took 3 car loads to the tip. The car port is now clean and tidy and I have sorted out a new recycling system. I have boxes to sort everything out as we go. I am feeling pleased with my work today.

Matthew has been making a 'den' in the garden. He's a real home lover and loves making special hiding places. I can really identify with him doing these things as I remember being the same when I was little. Here are some pictures:

Downshifting, Freecycle, Libraries

2007-06-07T19:57:00.000Z

I have for a long time been interested in the concept of downshifting. It is my belief that we actually need a lot less than we think we do and we often use material goods as a way of fulfilling a need within ourselves that is really nothing to do with the thing we think we want. Several years ago, I got involved in an organisation called LETS. It's basically a time bank, where members can offer their time in exchange for someone else's time. So I might babysit for someone for 1 hour and they might do 1 hour's gardening for me. I really enjoyed LETS and met some really nice people in the process.
The reason I starting thinking about my time with LETS is because I have just joined another group called freecycle this is a worldwide organisation that hopes to "change the world one gift at a time". You join a local freecycle group and then post your WANTS or OFFERS on a website and hopefully somebody will WANT the thing that you are OFFERING or will OFFER you the thing that you WANT! It all has to be given free of charge and basically just saves people throwing good stuff away. Today I gave my first thing away! Hooray! Matthew's old scooter, that was a bit too battered to sell, will hopefully make Denise's 2 year old grandson very happy! What a great idea. There are freecycle groups all over the world. Why don't you see if there is one near you!
As you may know, one of my pet loves is the library. If it weren't for libraries I would spend a fortune on books. I absolutely love them. I like browsing the shelves, leafing through them. I like the covers, the illustrations, the photographs, the chapters, the titles, I like different fonts, different layouts, I like the ideas, the words, how things are put across. Phew! Well I guess you get the idea. I love books and I love libraries because they let me indulge my love of books, for free!

Rainy day, A new restaurant, Card games

2007-05-28T15:22:00.000Z

Weather-wise it's been a dreary old bank holiday weekend in the UK. Rain, rain and more rain. The positive side of this was that I have actually used my gym membership. I'm a bit of a fairweather runner and up until recently the weather had been so great I just couldn't justify running on the treadmill. At least the rain gave me an excuse to go. I took the boys swimming there on Saturday and I ran there on Sunday.
We had a wonderful meal on Saturday night with our friends, Brian and Theresa. We went to a Thai restaurant that they knew well, but we had never been to. It was absolutely delicious. We'll definitely be going back!
On Sunday our friend Chloe came over for 'brunch'. Steve cooked a real feast and we all just hung out at home. Chloe and I reminisced about the card games we used to play and had fun reminding ourselves how to play 'clock patience' and other such games. We were trying to show the boys how to play, but Matthew said "Oh this is boring, I know how to play this game, I play it on your ipod". He was completely disinterested in learning the real thing. I thought it was funny that I felt playing with 'real' cards would be a good wholesome activity, but playing a computerised version seems wrong somehow.

Fun, fun, fun!

2007-05-19T21:26:00.000Z

My gran recently bought the boys a trampoline. She had promised to get them one last year, but I had held off for a few reasons. Firstly, I wasn't sure where it would go exactly. Secondly, I was worried that the boys have a lot of 'stuff'. The next door neighbours got a trampoline, James and Matthew wanted one. I didn't want them to have it straight away. I wanted them to wait, to anticipate. We finally got it about a month ago. It's Great! Today the boys were on a cub fun day, from 9am until 9pm. Now you know what that meant? I got to go on the trampoline. On my own. I bounced, and bounced, and bounced. It was brilliant. I listened to my ipod and sang along (when I had the breath). Then finally, I collapsed in a heap, led on my back, in the sunshine and watched the clouds drift past. I think I remembered what it is like to be a child.
Then I got one of those adult pleasures that involves scrubbing round the outside of the sink with a toothbrush. Will anyone be able to tell how clean my sink is? I doubt it. But I know.
Finally, my beloved husband arrived home from doing overtime at the hospital. "Do you fancy going on the trampoline?" I said. "Yes OK" he replied (he was waiting for something to download on the computer, it was going to take at least 15 minutes). We bounced. Quite innocently though. This wasn't business!

paperwork, a dance, the apprentice

2007-05-16T21:36:00.000Z

Wednesday's are usually my day with Steve, but this morning he had to work. I spent the morning working on the paperwork for my appraisal which is on Friday. Although it was work stuff I enjoyed it. I like my job.
We went dancing tonight. We had had a couple of weeks off. Somehow this break filled me with enthusiasm. We learnt a new routine for the quickstep and I enjoyed the camaradarie and the companionship with Steve.
After dancing it was home to watch 'The Apprentice' on TV. This is a reality TV show that has entrepreneurs battling it out for a job with Sir Alan Sugar. Each week they get split into two teams and work on a task set by the boss. Sometimes it is based on marketing, other times on sales, sometimes buying. It is really interesting seeing how they cope with the stress of the task and the relationships within the team. I am very interested in how people relate to each other, particularly when they are placed in challenging situations. I often wonder "How would I cope?" Tonight they were asking for applicants for the next season's show. I said to Steve "Shall I apply?". He said "No, you're too nice, you'd get eaten alive". Mmmm I wonder. I'm beginning to think that trying to be 'nice' and keep everybody happy isn't necessarily at positive thing, but also I think that you don't have to be hard hearted and mean to get on in life. There has to be a middle ground.

Getting back to reality

2007-05-15T20:43:00.000Z

I have been back at work for a couple of days now, and I'm enjoying the return to normality. I like the gentle rhythm of my days. From that first cup of tea, to the contented sigh as I snuggle down for the night.
I walked back from cubs tonight. I enjoyed looking at people's gardens. I don't really know anything about flowers or plants. But I like looking at the amazing variety of ways that people manage their gardens. Some are neat but stark, others are wild and full of colour. Some people manage to get a good combination of both. I always feel that I can tell quite a lot about the people who live in the house from looking at their gardens.
I am wandering the maze of parenthood. Sometimes it seems so simple. Other times it seems completely irresolvable. Relationships are challenging, I think, challenging but rewarding. There are none so challenging as the relationship with your children (or your parents).

Madeleine McCann

2007-05-14T20:11:00.000Z

I mentioned this in my last post, but just at the end of it. I feel that something this important deserves more of a mention. It is now 11 days since Madeleine, age 4, was taken from her bed whilst on holiday in Portugal with her family. The police in the area have now stopped searching the local area believing she has been taken further afield, possibly out of the country. It seems that it was organised, rather than impulsive.

I have felt very affected by this family's story. It is of course every parent's worst nightmare, but also I have a strong feeling of hope that things will turn out OK. Madeleine's parents are determined, positive individuals who, I believe, will do everything in their power to get their daughter back.

I have found myself waking up each morning, and this family is the first thing I think about. So I thought I would do something positive, the only thing I can think to do really. So I'm posting Madeleine's photographs on this blog and ask that anybody who feels that they can do the same. Many of us have seen the power of blogging and how much support and practical help can come from it. I hope you will be able to help.

Back from my hols......................again!

2007-05-12T20:55:00.000Z

I have been very negligent in my blogging duties lately. Maybe these things go in waves. Steve has been going through a 'computer' period. He's been taking lots of photos and so has been on the computer a lot, sorting them out. Now though, I think he's had enough. So I'm back. I've had enough of watching mindless TV. Sometimes you're on an expressing wavelength, sometimes on a receiving wavelength. I think that accepting these rhythms helps us to be happier.
New York was amazing, but I'm glad I don't live there. My house, my street, my town all seem so peaceful in comparison. I'm glad I've been though.
Getting away from the everyday routines, I'm sure helps me to grow. To move on. Space to think some new thoughts. I like that.

Many of you may know about the little girl Madeleine McCann. Today is her 4th birthday. I am praying for her family and her safe return to them. I am also praying for her captors that they may choose the higher path.

Holidays, holidays and more holidays

2007-04-29T21:01:00.000Z

No I haven't really been at the beach this long. We've been back over a week. But life has been so busy. I really can't work out why, but I just can't seem to get organised. This is mainly due to a sudden rush of holidays all at once. This wasn't very well planned really, but it was the way things worked out:

We had a lovely week in Devon. I will post some photos on my Across the Pond blog. The sun shone all week. We all got on well. The children were generally well behaved. It was even more satisfying because we had got a 'deal' out of the local paper. We collected 8 tokens and got the holiday for £10 each, which is very cheap, especially as it was the school holidays. We then paid a bit extra to upgrade to a bigger caravan and got a brand new one!
James is off on his first school holiday tomorrow. There has been lots of angst at school about who would be sharing with who, but he is pleased with his room-mates. He's very excited and I suspect a little bit nervous although of course he wouldn't admit to that. I know I am. It's hard letting go.
Next Sunday I am off to NEW YORK with my mum. I am REALLY excited about this and very nervous. I'm not very keen on flying and I haven't travelled very much since having the children, but New York is one place that I have always wanted to go to. Steve really didn't want to go, so my gran bought me and my mum a short break as our Christmas present.

GONE TO THE BEACH, BACK SOON!

2007-04-16T11:37:00.000Z

Easter weekend

2007-04-08T20:05:00.000Z

It was Matthew's birthday on Saturday. This year he decided against a party and instead I took him and his friend to Legoland in Windsor. The day went very smoothly. The boys got on well and at the end of it Matthew said it was 'The best birthday he had ever had!'. What a joy those words are to a parent!
James accompanied me on my 5 mile run this morning. He cycled, while I ran. It's great when he comes out with me. He keeps a steady pace and it's nice to have his company.
The weather has been gorgeous over this Easter weekend. We've enjoyed the company of dear friends and eaten wonderful food. I'm feeling refreshed after a few days off work. Lovely.

Five beautiful things

2007-04-01T19:42:00.000Z

I have had a SUPER weekend. Everything just seemed to work out well. Yesterday we went walking on Robinswood Hill.
A new series of Doctor Who started last night, it is the only programme that we all sit down and watch as a family.
I finally gave up on reading a book that I haven't been enjoying and started a new one which is great.
Whilst out for a run this morning, I spotted two crows in adjacent trees. They had their backs turned to each other, looking like they weren't speaking to each other. Every once in a while they would turn and look at each other and then turn back to their huffy positions.
Today we went walking in the Forest of Dean, along the Sculpture trail. We all got on well. The sun shone. I am contented with my lot in life.

100 reasons to be cheerful

2007-03-26T21:01:00.000Z

I haven't posted for a few days because this is my 100th post on this blog and I wanted to do something different, not the usual old stuff! But then I couldn't think of anything. I've restricted playing on the playstation and the computer to only weekends (for the children that is), but it does mean that I have been spending a lot more time doing things with them. So less time for blogging. Anyway, I thought I would write 100 Reasons to be cheerful in celebration of my 100th post.

I am generally a happy person
I have a wonderful husband
I have two lovely sons who bring me more joy than I could ever have imagined
I have a nice house
I am healthy
I am warm, even though it is cold outside
I have a comfortable bed
I have clean water
I have food whenever I am hungry
I have nice neighbours
I have been loved (and still am)
I have loved (and still do)
I enjoy my job
I can run
I can climb
I can dance (a bit)
A beautiful cloudless day
Friendly colleagues
The stream that runs just outside the window where I work
The trees that I see all around me, at home, at work.
I have a car
I have a bicycle
Music
My ipod
Colours
I can see
I can hear
A good night's sleep
The longer days
The fact that I could see the funny side when Matthew knocked down a whole display of suntan lotion at the supermarket today!
The friendly staff and customers who helped us to pick all the bottles up
Good TV
A nice glass of wine
A cup of tea
I've lost 7lbs!
Pencils
Friends who care about me
Living near to a beautiful park
Being married to someone who still makes me laugh till I cry
Felt tip pens
I've got a computer
Books
Blogger
All my blogging pals
Rucksacks - I find mine very useful
Stroking a lovely little kitten today
I have travelled and seen some of this wonderful world
Sitting down for a family meal
Magazines
Photographs
Free education for all
Flowers
Vases
Electricity
Sellotape
Beautiful buildings
Roads
Toilets
Farmers
Long distance lorry drivers
Hair
People who smile
Telephones
Theatres
A soft dressing gown
Duvets (it's 22:25, can you see where my head is........?)
Pillows
Slippers
Apples
Oranges
Skipping
Being organised
Getting things done
Not doing anything
I have a nice garden
Hills to climb
We've just had the lawnmower serviced (that one was from Steve!)
Lipstick
Red nail varnish
Stained glass windows
Growth
Change
Imagination
Laughter
I don't smoke any more (but I did used to)
Toasters (they're useful aren't they?)
Glasses (the kind you wear)
Glasses (the kind you drink out of)
Mackenzie Thorpe
Scrunchies (for tying up your hair)
Elastic bands
Watches
Paper
Birthdays
Washing machines
Washing lines
I didn't have to do the washing up tonight
I'm eating a rather juicy satsuma
I'd forgotten it was there
It's the last one (satsuma and reason to be cheerful!)

A monk for a day......

2007-03-21T21:29:00.000Z

Regular readers may be aware of how precious my Wednesday's are to me. Steve and I strive to take our day off together on a Wednesday and guard it carefully. One weekend in four Steve works a weekend and has Thursday and Friday off instead. When this happens I have a precious Wednesday to MYSELF! Luxury. I usually spend the day blogging and doing things just for me.

Today was a bit different.

A couple of weeks ago James came home with a letter saying he was going on a school trip to Gloucester cathedral. It was going to be on a Wednesday AND they needed parents to volunteer as helpers.

"It's on a Wednesday" he exclaimed "You can come. You can be a parent helper"

No, no, that's my day, I thought, every day I spend doing things for other people. Wednesdays are my day. It wasn't a nice feeling, I felt torn between my own needs and his.

What could I do? Here was my son reaching out to me, inviting me to share in his world for a day.

One day he will find my presence acutely embarrassing, but today he wants me to be with him.

How could I refuse!

It was with more than a little reluctance I boarded the coach with 30 nine year olds this morning.

But, do you know, I had the absolute best day.

I have learnt about the Tudors.

I know what happened to all of Henry VIII's six wives, and why.

I found out that we have Edward II, King of England buried in the city where I live.

I walked around one of the most beautiful buildings that I have ever been to, wearing a monk's habit!

I have walked through the corridors where parts of the Harry Potter films were filmed.

I got to know quite a few of the children in James' class and now will understand who he is talking about when he comes home telling me about things that have happened that day.

I am also very pleased to say that James behaved wonderfully and I was really proud to be his mum.

Seeing through new eyes...........

2007-03-15T22:11:00.000Z

After spending a very uncomfortable couple of weeks, where I couldn't work out why my vision was all blurry. I finally gave in and went to the optician. I had worked myself into a bit of a state by the time I got there, imagining the worst. I was relieved to be told that nothing had changed with my eyes, I had just put my contact lenses in the wrong eyes! No wonder everything looked strange!

The hole, Linny and a forgotten letter

2007-03-12T20:45:00.000Z

Matthew has for the past year been digging a hole in the back garden. It is now about the size of a baby's bath. On Sunday the children next door came round to play. Matthew and Dean excitedly made plans for the hole.

Matthew "Let's dig another hole"

Dean "Yes, and we'll make a tunnel joining this one to that one"

Matthew "Let's dig three holes, I'll do one over here"

Dean "Can we sleep in it?"

Matthew "Yeah, this one can be my bedroom and that one can be yours"

Dean "Can we have a playstation in it?"

Matthew "Yes and a TV"

Dean "I feel like a Working Man. I like that feeling"

Matthew "Yeah and me. I'm so tired and I want to stop, but I just can't"

Who needs a TV or a playstation when you've got a HOLE!

Linny is much the same, he's definitely not very well, but he is eating and drinking. My mum is back from her holiday today. I'm so glad.
James was supposed to go to school today, dressed up as a character from a book. Fortunately for both of us he didn't bring the letter home telling me about it. That was both of us happy. He hates dressing up and I hate having to think of things for him to dress up in.

Linny, the garden and running songs.

2007-03-10T22:38:00.000Z

Linny is hanging in there, hopefully until my mum gets back on Monday. He's very weak and confused though. James and Matthew have been so lovely with him, patiently feeding him bits of food by hand. It makes me realise how caring they both are.
I am hoping to turn the end of the garden into a play area for the boys, but it needs completely digging up and levelling out. It will be hard work, but I'm determined to do it. I made a start today.
My friend Lynne gave me a disk with her running playlist on. I have been really enjoying listening to it. I'm on track with my running plan and really enjoying it.

Lovely linny, great granny and kind kids

2007-03-06T21:57:00.000Z

We are looking after my mum's cat 'Linford' at the moment as she has gone to Greece on holiday. We have looked after him a few times and we all really enjoy having him to stay. We all love cats, and it's been nice for the boys to get used to the reality of life with a pet as they are always asking us for one. Unfortunately, yesterday Linny who is 20 years old started behaving a bit strangely. As he walked around the house he kept falling to one side, at first we thought he had hurt his leg, but he didn't seem to be bothered if we touched it. Last night I took him to the vet, who thinks he has probably had a stroke. He is very old and has been a great companion to my mum and more recently to the rest of us. I really didn't know whether to phone my mum and tell her or wait till she got back. The vet is wanting to do lots of tests, but I wasn't sure that was what my mum would want, so I did phone her. She was very philisophical about things and like I thought, said that she would rather they didn't do too many tests. So we're not going to. He seems to be a bit better today, he's drinking and has eaten a little bit. I know that this probably doesn't seem like a beautiful thing but it seemed important to share, and Linny is a beautiful thing to us.

My gran seems to be coping quite well without my mum. She hates it when mum goes away, but interestingly seems to become a bit more lively.

The boys have both drawn get well cards for Linford. They have been quite affected by the drama surrounding Linny's sudden illness. Matthew has written one that reads: "Dear Linny, hope you get well soon, love from Matthew. P.S. Stop dribbling!". Here is a picture of Linny with James' card:

Up with the birds, founders day and nutritious tea

2007-03-04T19:31:00.000Z

I went out for an early run. The streets were quiet and there were lots of birds going about their morning business. I enjoyed seeing how many I could name.
This afternoon we went to the founder's day celebration at James and Matthew's beaver/cub group. I have said before how much I respect beaver and cub leaders who volunteer their time and energy. Today we had an indoor camp fire and each pack sang a song or did a little sketch. The scouts did a sketch about how much better it is to be a scout than just hang around the streets looking for trouble. It ended with them chorusing "I'd rather be a scout than a lout!". This year, scouting celebrates it's 100th year.
I may have mentioned that I am trying to eat more heathily. I have been on and off diets for years, but finally decided that I just need to change my whole attitude to food. I need to change the way I eat, rather than just seeing a diet as a short term solution and then piling it all back on at the end. I have developed a few strategies to help me eat more heathily. One of these is soup! I have been making more homemade soups as they are nutritious and filling (and also surprisingly easy to make). Tonight, for tea we had broccoli and potato soup, I also made a big saucepan of lentil and vegetable to take to work next week.

More fiddling................

2007-02-28T22:17:00.000Z

I upgraded this blog to the new easy to manage template, but in doing so lost most of my links to other blogs. It's too late to sort it out tonight, but I will sort it tomorrow.

Library thing, Fiddling, A new convert!

2007-02-27T22:10:00.000Z

I found this really great site called library thing. It allows you to catalogue all the books you have read, then it does a whole load of interesting things, like recommending other books you'd probably like, seeing how many other people share your taste in books, reading others reviews on books etc etc. For a complete book addict like me, it is a dream come true. It has kept me occupied this weekend.
I have been fiddling with my blogs once again. Trying to improve them. One of the things I decided to do was to get rid of the letter code that you have to type in, which I think can be frustrating for some people and discourage them from commenting and change instead to moderating my comments before I publish them. I only did this a couple of days ago and forgot about it really. There I was feeling all sorry for myself that no-one has commented on my blog, when I went to post another entry and saw "4 comments awaiting moderation". What a nice surprise. Thank you Mo, Theresa (who really should start a blog!) and Beth.
Which brings me onto the next thing. In my surprised state I inadvertantly deleted Beth's comment (I think, at least I can't find it anywhere now! LOL). Beth's comment delighted me as she is a newly converted runner and is really enjoying it. Well done Beth! Also I have to add well done to Steve too, did I mention that February 22nd was his one year anniversary of giving up smoking, I am soooooooo proud of him. And he too has started running, what a star!

The Malverns, The weather and Beef Stew

2007-02-23T22:06:00.000Z

We went walking in the Malverns this afternoon. The Malverns are a special place for us as Steve and I went walking there a couple of days before James was born. I was, at that point, 8 days overdue and desperate to get myself into labour. I remember lumbering up those hills, determined that this baby was going to get moving. Since then we go back there every year in February, around James' birthday. It's a beautiful part of the world and the children always enjoy it. As you can see.

Because the Malverns are a row of hills surrounded by flat countryside, you can see for miles. It's often overcast, with more than the odd passing shower. We enjoy making a game of it though, we see the rain approaching in the distance and try to guess how long it will take to reach us. It's usually a wet and windy walk, but invigorating. A cup of tea and piece of cake at 'The Singing Kettle' was a nice end to the walk.
Before we went out Steve had made a beef stew and left it cooking in the slow cooker, it was a perfect warming meal to come home to. Thanks Steve!

clean car, scrabble and a romantic rumba

2007-02-21T23:14:00.000Z

I summoned up all my mental strength today and tackled THE CAR! This is probably something other people do without any fuss, but for me it was a BIG DEAL. Cleaning out the car is one of those jobs that I really don't enjoy. As I was doing it today, I was thinking to myself "Why do I hate this so much?" I had to stop myself from saying "Oh well that's good enough". No, I hadn't cleaned it since before Christmas, and in all probability I won't be doing it again before the Easter holidays, so it was important to do a proper job. BUT it just seems so difficult, there's all these nooks and crannies that seem almost impossible to get into. I have to contort myself into a variety of unattractive positions that negate the need for a yoga class. There are stones, mud, sweet wrappers and McDonald's toys to contend with, yes I admit it, I do succumb to McDonalds every once in a while, although I draw the line at actually eating their food myself. That's a whole other issue, why do I feel it's acceptable to feed my children food that I wouldn't eat myself! Anyway, I digress, I cleaned the car, so when we gave our friend's a lift to dancing tonight I didn't cringe at the thought of what unsavoury things they might be sitting on.
I played scrabble with the boys. We only managed 2 turns each before one of them fell apart, but I still enjoyed it. I think scrabble is a great game.
We went over some steps we already knew in the rumba tonight, so we were able to focus on our 'style' rather than just our feet. Rumba is supposed to be the dance of love, so it feels strange to do it in a community centre with 5 other couples. However, we managed to get into the spirit of it!

Tales from the boys, browsing and colour coded food

2007-02-19T22:34:00.000Z

It's half term here this week. My mum looked after the boys today and took them to the seaside. It was a long drive for her but it sounded like they all had a great time digging in the sand and paddling in the sea. I'm so grateful to my mum, not only because she always willingingly looks after James and Mabbs, but also because she really makes an effort to do nice things with them. They love spending time with her.
Because the boys were off with mum I went to the supermarket and had time to wander round the aisles at a relaxed pace. It was very enjoyable.
In the UK many foods now have a little chart on them which is colour coded to enable consumers to tell how high in fat/sugar/salt a food is. Red means high, amber means medium, green means low. It makes it much easier to make good food choices.

Elaine & Mog are getting married!

2007-02-16T21:46:00.000Z

Elaine and Mog are getting married tomorrow. I am so happy for both of them. They are a wonderful couple. I have been friends with Elaine for 20 years. I can hardly believe that. We met when I was 15 and she was 14. Our friendship has endured throughout the years, even though we have done different things, somehow we've always had an easy, comfortable friendship. I feel privileged to be Elaine's friend.
I painted my toe-nails (this is because I am wearing open toed shoes tomorrow!) They look nice.
Thinking about Elaine's wedding, reminds me of our own wedding. We had a brilliant day. So much has changed since then, but I love Steve so much more now, with every day that has passed I have fallen more in love with him. For that reason I think I am very lucky.

Running with Lynne, Lunch and Dragon's den

2007-02-14T22:45:00.000Z

I went for a run with my friend Lynne today. It was nice to run together, as we haven't done for ages. I enjoyed the companionship AND she lent me her MP3 player to run home with, so I found some good new running songs.
I cycled to the hospital to have lunch with Steve. It was out of the ordinary and reminded me of our days BC (before children). We had a prawn and avocado sandwich and banana bread that Steve had made yesterday.
I don't find much that interests me on TV, but one programme I do like is Dragon's Den. Entrepreneurs have to give a pitch to 5 multi-millionaires to get them to invest in their business. I find it really interesting how people approach this and there are occasionally some really innovative new ideas. Today there was a teddy bear with a integral MP3 player, the idea was that you could download nursery rhymes and bedtime stories onto to the MP3 player/teddy bear and then the teddy would read your child a story. One of the dragons said he wouldn't invest because reading bedtime stories is a parents' job not a teddy bear's. I wholeheartedly agree with this, but I'm sure there are lots of parents who would buy it.

New places, walking in the rain, blossom

2007-02-13T21:19:00.000Z

I went out for a cycle ride before work this morning. I have heard some patients at the surgery where I work talk about a duck pond where they take their children. Today I found it. It's just two minutes walk from the surgery. I can't wait to take the boys exploring my new found area. I like exploring.
Matthew's bike has a puncture, so we walked to school today. I'm amazed at how well the boys are getting into the spirit of our car free days. I expected so much resistance but they seem to be really enjoying it. It's so much more relaxing too. It takes about 20-25 minutes to walk to school, it gives us time and space to talk about the day. It was raining a little when we walked home tonight, as we walked past a row of fir? trees I smelled their lovely fresh scent.
The first few blossoms on the trees. Spring is on the way. Hooray.

Birthday weekend

2007-02-12T20:19:00.000Z

James was 9 yesterday! 9! It's hard to believe that one minute you've got this tiny baby and then suddenly he's a big boy of 9. I've really noticed a change in him over the past few months, he's becoming so much more mature and grown up, I keep getting glimpses of the man he will be. He is such a joy. I find it amazing to think how lucky I am to have been given the gift of motherhood.
We spent the weekend with friends coming and going, taking time to share in James' birthday. I feel so grateful to those friends who not only care about me, or me and Steve but who have embraced our children too.
After the excitement of a birthday weekend, James came back down to earth quite smoothly. I was expecting a bumpy ride.

white space, boys and blackbird

2007-02-10T23:17:00.000Z

I finally managed to get rid of my white space on my running blog thanks to blogger tricks and tips. I was really glad to sort it out.
I survived a trip to the cinema and out for a meal with James and 3 of his friends for his 9th birthday. His birthday is actually tomorrow, I will write more then.
A blackbird flying off triumphantly with worm in mouth. The cycle of life is something that amazes and concerns me all at the same time.

It snowed!

2007-02-09T16:50:00.000Z

I've been a bit negligent in my blogging lately. I guess you can have too much of a good thing. The trouble is that I go on the computer to write my 3BT's for the day, which should take about 10 minutes, but then I can't resist reading everyone elses blogs and so 2 hours later I'm still here. So I thought I'd have a bit of a break and reassess!

On my running blog I have put in a table of my 2007 running plan. However, I have a great big space above the table that I don't know how to get rid of. I have looked at the HTML and there is nothing to indicate that there should be a big space there. When I try to delete it, it seems to be connected with the cells of the table. So if I try to highlight the first line of the big space to delete it, it also highlights and deletes the first cell of the table. It has been very frustrating. If anyone has any ideas on what I need to do I would be grateful to hear them.

OK on to the 3BT's:

It snowed. It really did. As you can imagine, James and Matthew were over the moon. At 7am, they were dressed and out building a snowman! After school we went straight up the hill and went sledging.

We have a new colleague at work, she started with us a few weeks ago. She is friendly, hard working and easy to get along with.
I have kept to my two car free days this week. Cycling to work on Tuesday was such a pleasure. I usually spend so much time in my car, doing short journeys, visiting people in their homes, it felt like a real break to be out in the fresh air.

Three beautiful things about cycling

2007-01-30T21:36:00.000Z

I finally got my act together today and cycled the boys to school and then cycled to work. It is my intention to make Tuesdays and Wednesdays 'no car' days. It feels hard to break the car habit but today I did it! Here are three beautiful things I noticed about cycling today:

It actually took LESS time for me to get to work by bike than by car. It took me 8 minutes on the bike, but takes 10-12 in the car. This was mainly due to being able to take a short cut through an alley, thereby avoiding a time consuming right hand turn onto the main road!
When I was late leaving work (as I usually am) my stress was happily converted into pedal power which was useful, rather than pent up frustration with nowhere to go.
I realised why a district which is called 'Coney Hill' is called 'Coney Hill'. It's because IT IS a hill. A fact that had eluded me in the past. It's amazing how hills that you don't even notice when you are in a car become very long and steep on a bicycle.

Keys, A skipping boy and sorry.

2007-01-29T21:17:00.000Z

I finally returned my keys to the surgery I used to work at. I left there 6 months ago, but for some strange reason held on to my keys. I'm not sure why. Anyway, today I decided to give them up. It felt significant, as though I had let something go.
I stopped at a pedestrian crossing and a boy of about 12 or 13 crossed the road. When he started off he skipped the first couple of steps, almost involuntarily and then seemed to remember that boys of his age don't do that kind of thing, so turned it into a run.
Steve sent me an e-mail at work apologising for some cross words we had had before work. By then I had forgotten, but it was nice to hear from him.

who lives there, friendly houses and new faces

2007-01-28T22:05:00.000Z

Walking to the garage with James to get a bottle of squash for great granny, I glance in the windows of people's houses and I catch a glimpse of their lives. I wonder who they are and what's their story.
James tells me that he thinks some houses are friendly and others are grumpy. He says he can tell in an instant what they are like. I know what he means.
My mum has 3 Italian students staying with her at the moment. We go over for tea and talk in simple sentences. It is challenging, but there is a warmth that underlies the language barrier.

Boys on the bus, building bionicles and an e-mail from friends

2007-01-27T18:15:00.000Z

We caught the bus into town, still trying hard to be environmentally friendly and not use the car so much. It helps that we have a double decker on our route. Today the boys got the prized front seats on the top deck. I sat a couple of rows behind them and listened to them chat about stuff!
Matthew bought a lego bionicle kit with his pocket money. As soon as we got home he set to work, putting pieces together, working things out, studying the instructions, sorting out mistakes. He was so proud of his creation and so he should be.
We received an e-mail from our friends in Canada, Jim and Barbara. It was lovely to hear from them.

Silhouettes, Getting to the top and a meal out.

2007-01-26T15:10:00.000Z

Seeing the trees and houses silhouetted against the clear sky. Very dramatic. This picture was taken from our back door, but I saw some more spectacular silhouettes when I was out driving the other day.

For Christmas my mum gave me a voucher for the local climbing centre. Today Ken and I went for our taster session. It was great. Really hard work, but good fun. At one point on the third climb I lost my nerve and kept saying I'm going to have to come back down, but the instructor and Ken, Steve and my mum encouraged me to keep going and amazingly I made it to the top.

Walking into the larder and the laundry room that we cleaned out yesterday. One of those things that has been nagging at me for ages and now it's done!

Blue sky, a lazy day and the quickstep

2007-01-24T21:43:00.000Z

Blogger seems to be being difficult today, so this is my final attempt at posting these 3BT's which get shorter each time I write them.

The sky was a beautiful clear blue today. It lifted my spirits even though it was very cold.
There is housework to be done, but we have managed to ignore it and instead have lolled around.
Just for a brief moment, whilst dancing the quickstep it felt like we could REALLY dance!

Friends, friends, friends

2007-01-22T23:08:00.000Z

I am so glad that I have such good friends:

My friend Lynne lent a listening ear at the school gates this morning. She lifted my spirits. Thanks Lynne, I know you're out there lurking!
I got a few more things sorted for Elaine's hen night. I'm looking forward to it!
An evening of companionship and laughter with our friends Theresa and Brian. It's great to spend time with people who know you so well, and accept you exactly as you are.

A good visit, Linford and a family game

2007-01-21T21:59:00.000Z

I took the boys to see my gran today. Visiting her has been a source of stress lately as James and Matthew (understandably) get bored visiting their 83 year old great gran and she (understandably) gets quite overwhelmed by their natural exuberance! Today though everything went wonderfully. I took lego and k'nex over for the boys to play with and they were beautifully behaved. I was really proud of them.
My mum is in Paris this weekend, so we are cat-sitting. Linford is very old, but very affectionate. I love having a cat in the house and I enjoy seeing how gentle the boys are with him.
We played 'categories' today. The categories we had were "boys names" "girls names" "modes of transport" "animals" and "cars". Steve cheated outrageously, "ballistic missile" as a mode of transport! "Dodo" as an animal, his argument that any living creature counted as an animal was dismissed when I pointed out that dodos were no longer living, "Aah but they were once" he argued, and he assured me that "Dee dee" is an American girl's name and put my doubting down to a cultural misunderstanding. We all had fun though. I love playing family games.

A muddy climb, on top of the world and sliding down

2007-01-20T19:21:00.000Z

We went walking up robinswood hill today. We climbed up some really steep muddy slopes, which was fun, we ended up virtually on our hands and knees trying not to slip back down.

The view at the top is spectacular and we enjoy looking for our house, and the boys school from up there. I like seeing the town from a different perspective.

The walk back down was more difficult than going up. I spent a significant proportion of it on my bottom! The boys had to take their trousers and coats off before getting in the car they were so muddy. When we got home we had hot chocolate and a hot shower.

The wind, blogging friends and the box

2007-01-18T20:48:00.000Z

Today has been super windy. Great big gusts that nearly knock you off your feet. Exhilarating, but there's always that tiny fear in the back of my mind that a tree might fall on top of me. Of all the ways to die it seems to me that a tree falling on your head is REALLY BAD LUCK! Two seconds, two feet either way and it would have missed you. It is for this reason that I don't go walking in the woods when it's windy, even though I'd like to!
I've become so attached to my blogging pals. I can't believe how much the internet has changed the world. In an instant I can chat about life in Tuscon or Victoria or New Zealand or India and what really strikes me is how much people have in common. Distance is no barrier.
I enjoyed reading Beth's blog about her organic box. We also have an organic box delivered by abel and cole, they are a brilliant company, the kind I like to deal with, excellent customer service, efficient, friendly and reliable. I love the feeling that I'm eating fruit and veg that has been grown locally without the use of unnecessary chemicals. Eating seasonally took a bit of getting used to but now I really enjoy it and appreciate my food so much more.

Blogging, blogging and a bit more blogging.

2007-01-17T15:16:00.000Z

I've blogged and blogged and blogged today. In fact I think I'm developing some kind of repetitive strain injury in my wrist from overuse! Do you know, actually this is really quite sad, all I've done today is blog. I've just had a phone call from a friend saying she's popping round, and I've looked at the house and it's a mess! Shoes everywhere! Better get and tidy up.
Even though Steve has been at work, he still offered to go and pick the boys up from school. Great! Time for a bit more blogging then.
Passerby 55 tagged me a couple of days ago, this is the first time I've been tagged. I felt so pleased.

But! My children are going to be home in a few minutes and I'm going to sit and talk with them and play and interact like a good mum should!

Longer days, a meal on the table and a day off tomorrow

2007-01-16T21:56:00.000Z

The days are starting to get longer. When I pick the children up from after school club, it is lighter each day. Roll on summer.
Steve made pasta and meatballs for tea as he was on a day off. It was so nice to come home to a meal cooked and ready.
I've got a day off by myself tomorrow. I am soooooo looking forward to have some 'me' time, I can blog 'til my hearts content. Guilt free!

Leftovers, a smooth evening and a cup of tea

2007-01-15T20:48:00.000Z

I had leftover stew for tea tonight. Leftovers are often maligned but I think they're great. You get a meal that is home made but ready made all at the same time. The best of both worlds, and it often seems to taste even better second time around.
Steve is on a late tonight. I often find it stressful having to manage the whole homework, tea, bedtime routine on my own, but today things went pretty smoothly. No major arguments or upsets. I would like more days like these.
I've just made myself a nice cup of tea. Lovely.

Teamwork, a friendly stranger and Stuart Gingerbread

2007-01-13T22:29:00.000Z

After a slightly dodgy start to the day, we made a plan and got the kids stuck in to helping us with the housework. I often find that they are really resistant but once they realise there's no way out we all quite enjoy and I get that 'I'm being a good mum' feeling because they're not vegging in front of the TV.
Matthew and I went on the bus into town (another 'I'm a good person doing my bit for the environment' feeling :-)) anyway before I get too smug, I was actually going to say that Mabbs and I were playing 20 questions, I was trying to guess his animal and having some difficulty, "Has it got legs" I asked "Yes" he said, I was stumped. It was sometimes blue, sometimes brown, it was a reptile, it has small eyes but you would think they're really big and popping out of it's head, it wasn't a snake, it was smaller than a snake but wider than a snake. Suddenly the lady sat behind us said "How many legs?", "six" replied Matthew. Now we were getting somewhere! It turned out to be a scorpion. The lady behind us was from Saskatchewan in Canada, we had nice chat (my husband is Canadian) and I walked part way to the cathedral with her to show her the way.
James found a recipe for "Stuart Gingerbread" in his horrible history book. We made it this afternoon. I was very dubious about this, but he had gone to so much trouble writing the recipe out on a piece of paper and getting all the ingredients. It was actually much nicer that I expected.

It's Friday, football club and a visit from mum

2007-01-12T21:38:00.000Z

It's friday! Hooray, hooray, hooray!
Matthew went to football club after school tonight. He had a good time. I like it that he did something active that he enjoyed, he's got so much energy, I often don't know how to manage it.
My mum came round for a cup of tea. I like it when my mum comes round. I like my mum.

central heating, 100 things, off to bed

2007-01-11T22:43:00.000Z

I came in from the cold, windy, rainy day and the central heating was on and the house was warm.
I have done my first post on my 'One Step at a Time' blog. I wrote 100 things about me. This was inspired by a post on Word Imp's blog 'More Beautiful Things'
I'm tired and I have a lovely warm, comfortable bed to get into

flowers, a relaxing day and a visit to a friend

2007-01-10T17:55:00.000Z

Steve and I both took the children to school today. When we got home there was a van parked in front of our drive. We parked the car up and I noticed that there was someone making a delivery to our house. I wasn't expecting anything so I said to the driver "Are you sure you've got the right address?" It turned out he did. It was a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from our lovely friends Lynne and Paul. I feel so lucky to have such good friends.
As regular readers may know Wednesday is mine and Steve's day off together. I love Wednesday's. The boys are at school and we get to just be together. Today I kept myself entertained by blogging (what else?!) and we had fun playing on the playstation we bought for the boys for Christmas. Mmm, I wonder who we really bought it for, Steve seems to be getting very good at it!
We finally tore ourselves away from our techno-toys and went to visit our friend Claire and her new baby Noah, who is 11 weeks old. Noah stayed asleep whilst we were there so we got plenty of opportunity to chat and catch up. I'm hoping she'll let me babysit soon!

I think I've finally sorted my blogging. I've been trying to decide whether to have just one blog and write everything on it, or to have different blogs for different things. Finally I have decided on the latter. So my two new blogs Running Girl and One step at a time are now up and running, although there's not much on them yet. Running girl is basically a running journal and One step at a time is going to be my main blog. Reasons to be cheerful will be solely devoted to 3BT's which I will endeavour to do each day.

A card, a package and a productive day

2007-01-09T21:37:00.000Z

Our dear friend Theresa sent me a card today. I was so touched at her thoughtfulness.
Steve's brother Mike sent us all matching T-shirts from his latest trip on the NOAA ship McArthur. Amazingly, they all fit perfectly and they remind us of Mike.
I had a really productive day at work, I got a lot of stuff done. Some days are like that, they're just effortless and everything falls into place. I like these kind of days.

Facing finances, making amends and getting things sorted

2007-01-08T22:27:00.000Z

I got up at 6am this morning and sorted out our finances. I often find I can't face things like money by the time I get to the evening. I made a plan for the whole year, writing down all the big expenses. Although I get a bit anxious before I tackle this kind of thing, I always feel better afterwards, like things are under control.
I was really glad that I managed to sort things out with someone at work, relationships are important to me, I don't like unresolved issues. It felt good to talk openly and honestly, even though it's scarey.
I made a bit of progress in sorting out my friend Elaine's hen night! Did I mention I'm going to be a bridesmaid in February! I'm so excited. I have to keep reminding myself it's not me getting married. If anyone has any good hen night ideas, please post them.

All in all it's been a sorting out kind of day.

A good book, inspiring blogs and a little peace

2007-01-07T20:30:00.000Z

"The Biology of belief" is a fascinating book that challenges modern medicine and explains the intelligence of our bodies. Amazing stuff.
I managed a little surf of the blogosphere today and found some interesting blogs that have given me some inspiration.
The boys are in bed. It's been a long day!

A morning run, tidy rooms and holding hands

2007-01-06T18:36:00.000Z

I went out for a run first thing this morning. It was raining, but not too cold. I did a good 3 miles. It felt so good to be out, to be moving.
I finally finished clearing up the post Christmas clutter. Steve took the tree and the cardboard to the tip and I finally found places for all of the boys new toys.
We walked up to the supermarket and Steve reached out and held my hand.

The long way round, a cheerful greeting and a christmas jigsaw

2007-01-05T16:43:00.000Z

Matthew and I walked the long way round to the junior school to pick James up today. It was nice just walking along chatting with him about his day.
James came running out of school and gave me a big hug. It was lovely. I had the urge to give him a kiss, but managed to restrain myself, in the playground in front of his friends!
We bought James a jigsaw for Christmas. I really like doing it with him. I find jigsaws very soothing. I like the way you get the whole picture one piece at a time. In the beginning it seems like a near impossible task to complete it, but gradually you do it.

Who's that girl?

2007-01-04T18:07:00.000Z

I'm very aware that I'm not being true to the name of my blog at the moment..............................

Steve and I went to my dad's funeral today. I almost lost my nerve a few times, the last time being when we arrived at the church.

"What am I going to do if someone asks me who I am?" I said to Steve

"Just say you're a friend of the family" he said

This rankled me a bit. Why should I? I thought, but I knew he was right. This wasn't the time or the place for revelations.

I started crying before I even got into the church, but it wasn't for the normal reasons people would cry at their dad's funeral. It was like I was this 8 year old child again, saying "Look at me, I'm here, I'm upset too!"

The vicar talked about John's life, his jobs, his marriage, his two children, but for me there was a BIG bit missing. "What about me? what about me?"

So I cried a lot. I expect people were wondering who this person was, who seemed so upset, but who hardly anyone knew. I said to Steve "I'm like that mystery woman who turns up in TV funerals and then disappears just as suddenly as she came leaving everyone wondering who she was". (I did my hair and make up so I could look the part :-))

When I got home I read my dad's last letter to me, it made me feel better. Here is the paragraph that I will try to remember:

"When we made contact at the time Matthew was born I wanted exactly the same as you. I just wanted to make my peace with you as well and hope you wouldn't think awfully of me. I never thought you behaved badly as a teenager but I do think I was pretty horrible to you. Since then I've felt that we have got on really well and I hope you do too. I find you very easy to talk to, have tremendous admiration for you and have become very fond of you. I also think your mother did a brilliant job of bringing you up".

This is what I feel I need to focus on now. The relationship we did have.

Life is complicated. People are complicated. I choose to focus on what's right in my life, the love that I have shared and do share with others. Everything else is just a learning experience.

Thanks for listening, my blogging friends. Your words of wisdom have meant a lot to me.

Saucepan drums, the shopping's done and stewed apple

2007-01-02T21:32:00.000Z

James and Matthew both have jobs to do every day. Matthew folds the laundry and James does the drying up. James has been most indignant the last couple of weeks because he has been off school and has had to do breakfast, lunch AND dinner dishes! Once he gets going he's usually OK though. Today we kept ourselves entertained by playing the saucepan drums and dancing around the kitchen to a reggae song that came on the radio.
I always have real difficulty thinking of things to cook, but I now have two whole weeks of meals planned! Hooray!
I made some stewed apple and raisins, they were delicious. Comfort food.

A New Year!

2007-01-01T18:35:00.000Z

I like New Year's Day. It's a fresh start. A new beginning. Today was a good day. I went walking with my mum and James and Matthew in the Forest of Dean. It was cold and it poured with rain but we had a good time. A walk in the woods does wonders for the soul, whatever the weather. Here are my 3BT's:

Walking through the wet leaves which were gradually being absorbed back into the earth, I was struck by how wonderful nature is, how everything is used and resused.
Seeing James and Matthew change from bickering, whiney children into cheerful, positive boys who looked at the world through wondrous eyes. The highlight for them was coming across a huge tree that had fallen across the path. We had to clamber over it to continue on our way. Then there was the river wye which was almost bursting it's banks, we've had so much rain. They were thrilled.
Putting on dry trousers when we got home. Luxury.

Happy New Year...................................

2007-01-01T00:34:00.000Z

Happy New Year Everyone! It's 00:35 in the UK and we are off to bed soon.
Steve is talking to his brothers in Canada. It's strange talking to people who are 8 hours behind us in time. They are having a bizarre brotherly conversation that I love to hear. I'm so glad Steve has such a loving family.
At 12 'O' Clock there were fireworks and the church bells rang.

I've changed!

2006-12-30T22:49:00.000Z

I've changed the template of my blog. Surfing the blogosphere I've seen some lovely blogs. I'm not sure how people get them looking so nice, but I've borrowed a book on HTML from the library so I'm going to try and experiment a bit.

I haven't done any 3BT's for a while, so here they are:

My lovely son Matthew who cuddled and hugged me today. He is such a sensitive soul who always tries to make everything right for everyone.
My lovely son James who is such great company. He's interesting and fun to be with.
My lovely husband Steve who made me laugh and lifted my spirits.

Some sad news...........................

2006-12-30T15:40:00.000Z

I haven't written for a while because I've needed to try and get my thoughts together. I wasn't sure whether I would share this on my blog, but I am going to, as it feels that I can't write anything until I've shared this, it doesn't seem right to carry on writing about the little things when there is a big thing that is dominating my thoughts.

Two days after Christmas I had a phone call telling me that my dad had died. It has been a very strange few days since then and I've been going through a range of emotions. In some ways I wish my feelings for him were more clear cut.

I didn't grow up with my dad. My mum had a brief relationship with him which resulted in her getting pregnant. He comes from a very conservative family. He never told his parents that I had been born. He then went on to get married and have two more children, he did visit me and my mum once or twice a year but he never sent birthday or christmas cards or presents. It was a bit strange really because I knew who he was, but wasn't allowed to tell anyone as his family didn't know.

When I was a teenager, he invited me round to meet his family but I was to pretend I was a 'friend' of the family. By this time I'd had enough of pretending really and so we had an argument and I refused to come unless he told people who I really was.

After that we didn't have much contact for quite a few years, just the odd letter. Then after I had James and a month or so before I had Matthew I made contact with him again. I suppose having children of my own made me realise that being a parent is hard and it's often difficult to make the right choices. I didn't want to hold a grudge. So he came round to see me and we talked about things but I guess for both of us it was quite painful. We had both missed out.

Over the next 2 or 3 years he would come and visit every few months but we communicated mostly by e-mail. We skimmed some of the painful issues that were a part of our relationship, but never really had the courage to deal with them properly. I think we just wanted to let go of the past and move on, but we weren't able to do that fully because there was a lot of stuff there that needed to be brought out into the open.

About 3 years ago he found out he had non-hodgkins lymphoma. He went through a roller coaster of treatment. Sometimes it looked like things were going to be ok, but eventually he was told that he only had a few months left to live. He actually lived another year after that. At the beginning of December he sent me an e-mail asking me and Steve to come round and see him. This was the first time he had invited me to his home in 20 years! The last time I went there I was 15. I guess I was too scared to go. I knew he didn't have long to live and I really didn't know what to say to him, so I procrastinated. Eventually after a couple of weeks Steve said we really should go and persuaded me to ring, but his wife told me he had taken a turn for the worse. That was about 3 weeks ago.

My mind is full of conflicting emotions. I'm angry that he wasn't really ever there for me when I was a child and now that chance of building a relationship is gone forever. I'm sad that we didn't manage to move forward that much in our relationship, but I am glad that we tried. There was goodwill between us.

So that's it. I don't normally bare my soul quite so publicly, but it has been therapeutic to do so and I know I'm amongst friends!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2006-12-25T20:56:00.000Z

I can't get these photos on in the right order. Well I probably could. Anyway, here is James this morning with his "Cyberman Voice Changer" as you can see he's pretty chuffed with it!

On Christmas Eve we spent the day at Warwick Castle. We went ice skating...........................

Here's Steve looking like a pro ........

And Matthew who had an interesting style of skating, but it worked for him...........................

And then there was me and James - James is to the left of me in the picture............................

The castle and the countryside looked beautiful ............

Presents

We had lots of presents. Steve is pleased with his Ipod Nano (and I'm happy too as I won't have to lend him mine next time we run). I was delighted with all my books - including one on blogging! I also got a taster session at a climbing warehouse in town. My mum is hoping this will satisfy my thrill seeking side (I've been threatening to do a sky-dive). Matthew loved his lego bionicle set and it has kept him occupied most of the day.

Food

We had my mum and Ken over for Christmas lunch. Here is what we had.....................

Roast Turkey with Apricot Stuffing and Madeira Gravy

Chipololatas wrapped in pancetta

Brussel sprouts with thyme and bacon crumbs

Sticky saucepan carrots

Rosemary roasted potatoes

Parmesan roasted parsnips

Steve and I cooked it together, Steve did the turkey, stuffing and madeira gravy. I did the vegetables. Ken made lego models with Matthew and mum and James laid the table. It was a real team effort!

Steve has talked to our loved ones in Canada - who he really misses, especially at Christmas.

It's been a wonderful day!

Prayers needed

2006-12-23T08:53:00.000Z

I came across this blog today. Darlene's son has just been involved in a serious car accident. She is gaining a lot of support from the blogging community, please read her story and send your thoughts and prayers. Now I'm off to spend time with my own two lovely boys and thank God for them.

Blink

2006-12-21T06:50:00.000Z

I have just finished reading "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell.

Blink is a book about how our first impressions are so significant. Gladwell begins by telling us how experts in the art world instinctively knew that a certain sculpture was a fake even though all the evidence pointed to it being real.

He goes on to discuss the work of John Gottman who has done research into whether married couples are likely to stay together or get divorced. He can predict this with a great degree of certainty, by watching the couple discussing a problem in their relationship for just 3 minutes. He does this by something that the author describes as 'thin slicing'. Thin slicing is the ability to take a very small 'slice' of a situation but examine it very closely. Within this slice there is a great deal of information. Gladwell maintains that often when we have a lot of information we can allow things which are irrelevant to influence us.

After reading the first few chapters I was thoroughly convinced that I should be acting on my initial impressions in all situations. However, Gladwell then goes on to discuss the other side of first impressions and how they can be affected by prejudice and stress. He directs the reader to an interesting web site which enables people to take online tests to ascertain how their decisions are affected by their sub-conscious prejudices. I did a few of these tests and it was enlightening, but uncomfortable.

The most disturbing part of the book is Gladwell's discussion about police officers and how they make split second decisions which turn out to be tragic because they have been affected by the stress of a high speed car chase or a highly charged situation. It was also interesting that people often make more 'wrong' decisions if there are other people with them. If they are alone they are more likely to pause and consider the situation.

Overall this was a fascinating book. Gladwell has an engaging writing style, he explains complex ideas in a way that holds the reader's interest. I would recommend it.

An early night, a christmas card and 'the christmas shop'

2006-12-20T21:20:00.000Z

So far, this week has been pretty exhausting. As I have mentioned before, I'm an "In bed by 10.30, lights out by 11" kind of girl. I like my bed! On Monday, we were out at the annual Christmas Social dance where we cha cha cha'd, waltzed and quickstepped the night away. Last night I was out late again, so I'm looking forward to an early night tonight.

I realise since I started blogging how much more energy I have for creative thought on the weekends . It has made me realise how much energy my job takes. I love my job. As far as I am concerned it is one of the best jobs in the world working with families with young children. It is extremely rewarding but also quite demanding at times. Today however, one of my 'young mums' gave me a Christmas card. What made this special was that I had spent all of last week worrying about something I had said to her and wondering whether I had spoken too harshly. I realised that as 'professionals' it is so easy to see yourself in a superior way, like you've got all the answers, but in reality we are all here to learn from each other, I felt humbled by her kindness.

Steve just got back from the supermarket after that stressful "Christmas shop". I did half of it on Monday and he finished off today. I unpacked the shopping and we had one of those stressy conversations that are common between husbands and wives:

"I already bought sunflower oil"

"Oh, I didn't realise"

"I already bought mayonnaise"

"Sorry, I didn't notice"

"What did you buy more chipolatas for. I've already bought two packets of chipolatas"

"You didn't tick them off the list"

"I DID tick them off the list"

"No you didn't"

"Look, see here, I did tick them off"

"No, that was me, I ticked them off today when I bought them"

"NO YOU DIDN'T! I TICKED THEM OFF"

Aaaahhh Christmas. The season of goodwill!

Luckily we were able to see the funny side. Eventually!

Seeing through new eyes.......................

2006-12-17T10:27:00.000Z

One of the things I'm really interested in is how we see and perceive things.

There has been one pivotal moment in my life and it was this:

When I was about 19 I picked up a book called "The Plus Factor" from an end of line bookstore.

On the first page was a quote, which I think was written by William Blake, I can't remember it exactly but it was something like:

"To some a tree is something so beautiful it brings tears to their eyes, to others it is just a big green thing that gets in the way"

This quote, and the whole book really, changed the way I perceived things from that moment on. I suddenly realised that I had a choice in the way I saw things and that this choice could make all the difference to how happy or sad I was in my life.

I don't always succeed in seeing things in a positive way but I have always found that it helps and when I do remember, I feel happier.

The reason I thought of this was that I was just looking at a lovely cross stitch a friend of ours made for us when we moved into this house. At the centre of it is a beautiful tree. We have it on the wall above our computer. For some reason I just looked at it and it was as if I was seeing it for the very first time, even though it's been there for years.

Now, here are some other things I have been thinking about lately they're not particularly beautiful but I thought I'd mention them:

Why is it that when you boil an egg, sometimes when you take the shell off it comes off almost in one whole piece, but sometimes seems nearly impossible to get off and you end up breaking off big bits of the white just to get the shell off. Is it anything to do with how fresh the egg is or is it all in technique? If anyone knows the answer to this I would be interested to know.

The other thing is a kind of pet hate, (of course one that I see in a completely positive way!) In a shop, when the cashiers give you your change, why do they put the note in your hand and then pile the change on top of the note. I can see that they are keen to complete the transaction as quickly as possible and get on to the next person, but it doesn't work, because then you have to tip the change off the note into your other hand so that you can put it in the 'change' part of your wallet, then you have to fiddle around with the note and put it in the 'note' part of your wallet. I always feel really pressured when I'm doing this because I am aware that as far as the cashier and everyone else in the queue is concerned my time is up and I am now just impinging on the next persons time.

Trouble commenting?

2006-12-16T08:11:00.000Z

I copied this from the Word Imperfect blog as I know some people have told me they have been having trouble posting comments on my blog too. By the way..............have you been there? Word Imperfect posts a new word every day for you to guess the meaning of, it's a very entertaining distraction from the rigours of Christmas preparation. In fact I have spent the last 20 minutes trying to think up a definition for 'knittle' when really I'm supposed to be wrapping Christmas presents. Oh well.

Anyway, I digress, here is what Word Imp said about the comments problem:

I notice some people have been having trouble commenting in the last few weeks. I think it's a problem that could be explained by the following comment that I cut and pasted from the help section. Hope this is useful: Logging in with an old Blogger account to post a comment on the new Blogger is giving a “please try again later” error. Until we fix this, it may work to log in first at http://www.blogger.com/login.g, and then go to the comments page on the new version of Blogger in beta. — latest update on Thursday, December 14, 2006

And now for something serious..................

2006-12-14T17:59:00.000Z

Domestic violence is about power.

Domestic violence does not always involve physical injury.

Abusers control others:

By withholding money.

By threats.

By ridicule.

By making the victim feel that it's their fault.

That they are worthless.

That nobody else will ever want them.

On average there will have been 35 assaults before a victim calls the police.

Domestic violence claims the lives of two women each week and 30 men per year in the UK.

Domestic violence is the largest cause of morbidity worldwide in women aged 19-44, greater than war, cancer or motor vehicle accidents.

Domestic violence affects all social classes, it has probably affected someone you know, they may even be living with it today.

Domestic violence will affect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in their lifetime.

Today's beautiful thing is that today someone found the courage to walk away from a life of fear and violence. She had lived this life for the last 10 years. She took her children with her, the youngest was just 5 weeks old.

I think she gave her children the best Christmas present ever.

Help is out there....................

for victims

for children

and for anyone who wants to help boys grow into caring, respectful men

Nativity, New York and making the bed

2006-12-13T21:28:00.000Z

Today was Matthew's nativity play. I don't know why but I always spend the whole play trying not to cry. It's completely irrational, but there's just something about all these little children singing their hearts out, wriggling, fidgeting, talking when they're supposed to be being quiet and being quiet when they're supposed to speaking loudly, that touches me. I love the fact that they haven't yet learned to hide their true selves. They are what they are.
My gran has bought me and my mum a trip to NEW YORK as our Christmas present. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. It's a place I've always wanted to go and I'm finally going to get to go there. I am so grateful to her for her generosity. As I'm writing this I just remembered something. A story about my gran: My gran has always been very generous to me and to everyone in our family. When I had Matthew I was working as a midwife and we didn't have much spare cash, but I really wanted to spend some time at home with James and Matthew. My gran gave me a gift of £3000 to enable me to take a year off to spend at home with the boys. This is typical of the kind of things she does. Now here's the amazing thing. A week after she gave me the money, she received a cheque from her brother for £6000 just as a gift for his sister. He didn't know anything about the fact that she had given me some money, it just came out of the blue, THEN a few weeks after that HE won £20,000 on the lottery. I found this series of events quite amazing. I do believe that the more we give to others, from our hearts (not necessarily materially) it comes back to us multiplied.
Today, Steve and I were both up in the bedroom and the bed needed making. As we were straightening it all out, changing the sheets etc, I was just struck by how much I like him, how much I enjoy his company. It's those times when we're doing completely mundane things that I realise this the most. I just so enjoy being with him.

The joy of technology

2006-12-11T21:18:00.000Z

There's always a lot of discussion on the positive and negative sides of technology. I think there are merits to both sides of the argument. Here are some of things I love about technology:

Having a telephone has enabled me to talk to the people I love no matter where in the world they live.
Having an answer machine means that I don't have to talk to people when I'm reading my children a bedtime story or in the middle of dinner, or when I'm exhausted and just want to be on my own.
Having a mobile phone means that I can locate my husband when we've lost each other in the mall and then collapse in fits of giggles when we realise we're saying "Where are you?" and we're only a few feet away from each other.
Blogging is brilliant. It has connected me with some lovely people who I would never have had the pleasure of getting to know otherwise. It has moved me out of my narrow world, it has widened my horizons.
I love my ipod. It has revolutionised the way I listen to music. I love the freedom of being able to choose music in an instant. To make playlists depending on my mood. To be able to carry all my favourite songs with me when I go out for a run.

Ding dong merrily on high............................

2006-12-10T18:14:00.000Z

It's that time of year again..........................

Yesterday, Steve took the boys out to choose a Christmas tree.

We went up into the loft to get the decorations. The boys were buzzing.

Then came the discussion about where to put the tree:

"If we put it in front of the window, then we'll have to move the sofa"

"Yes and if we move the sofa, then we won't be able to see the TV"

"So we'll have to move the TV into the alcove by the window and move the bureau into the alcove where the TV was"

The boys have now taken all the Christmas decorations out of the box and they are strewn all over the floor.

"Can we start decorating the tree now?"

"Yes in a minute..............................We could just put the tree in the alcove where the bureau is and leave the sofa where it is"

"I don't want put the tree in the corner, I want it in front of the window"

"OK lets move the furniture"

15 minutes later the furniture is in its new position.

"Uh Oh"

"What!"

"The TV cable won't reach from here"

"When can we decorate the treeeeee?"

"In a minute"

20 minutes later we have worked out how to get the cable to reach it's socket.

"Hey James look at me I'm skipping with the tinsel garland"

"Muuuum, Matthew's skipping with the tinsel"

"Matthew, stop skipping with the tinsel"

"But I'm bored"

"Yes me too, and I'm hungry, what are we having for tea?"

"Can we decorate the tree now"

Well I'm sure you get the picture. But I wouldn't change it for anything.

The tree is up.

The lights are on.

It's full of decorations that remind me of all the Christmas's we have had together.

Our Christmas tree is a celebration of us as a family.

In the moment

2006-12-07T16:24:00.000Z

Three beautiful things that are happening at this very moment:

Sitting here listening to Matthew age 6 reading his book to his dad. "Cars today come in all shapes and sizes, they are comfor.......comfortable and some can go very fast"
The smell of Steve's home made carrot and orange soup.
Listening to James talk about the forthcoming Christmas preparations.

And here's something else that made me think.

I took Matthew to the library recently and he needed the toilet. At our library they will only give the 'toilet key' out to parents with children, this is because of an ongoing problem with the toilet being misused!

We stood at the desk for some time before the librarian plonked the key in front of us and said "Is that what you've come for!"

I thought she was a bit rude and commented to Matthew "she was a bit dour wasn't she?"

"What's dour?" he replied

"Grumpy" I said

He thought for a moment and then said thoughtfully, "No, not in my world, she wasn't"

This just made me think, we're all living in our own little worlds. At that moment, his was obviously a more forgiving one than mine!

On the slide, good service and doing the rumba

2006-12-06T22:08:00.000Z

Three beautiful things for today:

Whilst out for a run this morning we passed a playground where a granddad was catching his little grandson as he went down the slide.
We went to a new chinese restaurant that has opened up in town. It is excellent value for money, but what really makes it, is the friendliness of the waiters and waitresses.
We were back dancing tonight after a couple of weeks away. We spent most of the rumba in hysterics as we realised that we were facing in the opposite direction to everyone else and kept getting in their way. I'm not sure that everyone else thought it was so funny, but it kept us amused.

The Lucky Ones by Rachel Cusk

2006-12-06T21:38:00.000Z

The Lucky Ones is divided into about 5 chapters, each telling the story of one person. Each of the characters have tenuous links with the others, although there is no real 'coming together' point. The beauty of this book, I felt, was in the detail, rather than the storyline.

The description of a mother's telephone conversation with her pregnant daughter was thought provoking. The author captured the complexity and ambivalence of the relationship beautifully. On the one hand the mother wanted to connect and be there for her daughter, but she also had this streak of malevolance towards her, she wanted her to have a hard time with her new baby, she wanted things to be difficult for her, because she wanted her to understand how it had been for her as a new mother.

My only frustration was the lack of a definite ending. Nothing was really neatly tied up or explained. I also felt it was a book that I could have read again and seen lots of things that I had missed the first time around. The Lucky Ones wasn't what I would call and easy read but it was a satisfying read. I like books that challenge my well worn ways of thinking and this book definitely did that.

Things I love about Steve.............

2006-12-05T22:11:00.000Z

In response to Melanie's happy thoughts post about taking the challenge and letting someone know what you appreciate about them, here the things I love about my husband Steve:

Nobody, but nobody, makes me laugh the way Steve does. He is so funny. He's not afraid to look silly, or worried about what people think. He's just great fun. One of our favourite fun things to do is to skip, holding hands IN PUBLIC!!! The children hate it. But we think it's hilarious.
Steve is very kind, not just to me but to friends, family, work colleagues, strangers. He's a good person.
Steve looks for the best in people.
He's not afraid to think again and change the way he's doing things if there is a better way.
He's willing to try new things.
Steve always makes an effort with people. Even people who are hard to communicate with. He values people.
He gives freely of himself.
He puts a lot of effort into our home and family and doesn't complain half as much as I do!
Basically, I think Steve is great. I can't believe how lucky I am to be married to him.

From A to B and Back Again

2006-12-04T21:11:00.000Z

It amazes me how much of my day is spent moving things from one place to another. There always seem to be so many things that aren't where they really should be. Because I'm not a naturally tidy person who just puts things straight where they are meant to go. I have these holding places for things. Here are some of my holding places:

The small bookcase by the front door is a holding place for:

things that belong to other people that I need to remember to return to them
library books that I have read
things to go in the car
letters
basically anything that needs to LEAVE the house

The 3rd stair is a holding place for all the things that are downstairs but need to go upstairs.

The windowsill at the top of the stairs is a holding place for all the things that are upstairs that need to go downstairs.

The small bookcase on the landing is a holding place for all the things that need to go into the boys' bedrooms but they can't go in yet because the boys are just going off to sleep and I don't want to disturb them.

Sometimes the absurdity of this system amuses me. Especially as I suspect that I am the only person in the house who is aware of it.

It sometimes also strikes me that this is a microcosm of the rest of life. An endless movement of things from one place to another, sometimes back again, sometimes gone forever.

Sorry!

2006-12-03T20:52:00.000Z

Yesterday, for the third year running, I got my 'rejection' magazine saying that I hadn't got a place in the London Marathon, 2007.

Somehow, this year I had really thought that I would get in.

I flicked through the magazine looking at the charity adverts inviting me to raise £1500 to secure a place, but I think that having to ask lots of people to sponsor me would cause me more stress than the running.

So, once again, I decided that it just isn't meant to be this time.

Maybe next year!

On a more positive note, Steve is now running for nearly 25 minutes each time and we have decided to do a 10k at the end of February.

Who knows, maybe we'll be running our first marathon together!

Back home again!!

2006-12-02T20:52:00.000Z

Sometimes I think the best thing about going on holiday is coming home again. Maybe the whole purpose of a holiday is to make you appreciate your everyday life. Then, as soon as you are home you start looking back on the holiday, thinking how wonderful it was and what a great time you had. I suppose, really, holidays are just a lot like life. Ups and downs, but your expectations are higher. So here are three reasons that I was cheerful on holiday:

The weather was very good. We had sunny days which was great for walking and cycling and doing all the outdoor activities.

James and Matthew were finally big enough to go down the wild water rapids in the swimming pool, and my mum went down too!! We had a great time swimming in the outdoor pool. We even went in the cold plunge pool!
Spending time with my mum, talking and playing scrabble, which is something we don't often get time to do.

And here are three reasons I am glad to be home:

Sleeping in my own bed last night! Bliss! By the third night I was pretty fed up with the ultra narrow single bed AND sharing a room with Matthew who woke up raring to go at 5.30am every morning.
Being with Steve again. Chatting about our respective weeks and seeing the boys laugh hysterically with him. Something that they didn't do at all while we were away. It made me realise (for the millionth time) how much they need the balance of both of us.
Knowing that my blogging friends had missed me! I did try to get onto a computer at Center Parcs, but it wouldn't let me log on to my blog.

Off on our hols

2006-11-27T09:07:00.000Z

Apologies for being negligent in my blogging responsibilities over the past few days. Steve offered to write my blog for me on Saturday, but I declined his kind offer on the grounds it may incriminate me! The truth is, you see, that on Friday evening I went out for meal and a few drinks with some of the mums from school and unfortunately had one glass of wine too many. I foolishly agreed to go dancing and returned home to my mum's at 1am!!!! 1am!!!! Me, who's usually in bed by 10.30pm, reading for 15 minutes then lights out at 10.45pm! Anyway it seemed like a good idea at the time, but when I was being woken up by a bright and breezy Matthew at 6.30am, it all seemed like a terrible idea, and it continued to seem like a terrible idea for most of that day! I went to bed on Saturday night at 8.30pm, straight after the boys!

Anyway, today we are off to Center Parcs, til Friday. Steve is staying at home decorating. I'm looking forward to a few days of fun and relaxation with James and Matthew and my mum. If I can manage to find a computer there I will let you know how I'm doing, but if not I will return of Friday. Refreshed and invigorated. Hooray for holidays!!

A picture is worth a thousand words

2006-11-23T20:16:00.000Z

Here are my 3 reasons to be cheerful today!

This is Matthew (6) taken on my gran's 83rd birthday. We went out for a meal at a pub called the rising sun. The town in the distance is Cheltenham. This picture sums Matthew up, as you can tell he is always full of energy!

This picture of Steve was taken when we went for a week away to the Lake District, in January of this year. It has taken me all evening to find a picture of Steve, I've realised I need to take more photos of him. He is the photographer of the family, so it is always him taking the photos!

This is a picture of James (8)when we went to Wales this summer. I'm not sure what he was pointing at!

Training for the London Marathon

2006-11-22T17:16:00.000Z

I'm hoping next year I'll get a place in the London Marathon. I have applied for the last two years but didn't get in. This year I'm feeling lucky, but I know that when I get a place, that will be when the hard work really begins. I have decided to think positive and have started training AS IF I'm going to be doing it. My first goal is to get up to 10 miles by the middle of December. After that I will have a two week break and start running again on Boxing Day. By then I should know if I have got a place! I am going to keep a training blog so the world (or a small portion of it anyway) can see how I'm getting on.

Our morning routine

2006-11-22T11:59:00.000Z

Every morning, for the past 12 years Steve has brought me a cup of tea in bed. This started because he has always woken up earlier than me. After we had children and they were tiny, we got into a routine of him getting up with them and then once I got up a couple of hours later he would go back to bed for a sleep. Steve used to smoke so he would get up early to have an hour of child-free smoking time out in the car port. Now he has given up (9 months today! Hooray!) he brings his cup of tea back to bed and we lie and read for half an hour before we get up.
Now the boys are waking up a bit later, we are often already drinking our tea when they get up. Steve always brings them juice up into the bedroom too. I love in when they stumble into our room all bleary eyed, Matthew will be carrying his "snee" and his "two snee" these are his blankets that he sleeps with, then he will jump knees first onto our bed and snuggle up for a while.
James always heads straight for the window, he pulls the curtain to one side and tells us what the weather is like today, sometimes it's low key "there is a patch of blue sky over by dad's hospital (dad doesn't actually own the hospital but he does work there!), there are some dark clouds out of my window, I think it might rain" other days it's more exciting "Wow! have you seen how much it's raining, it's CHUCKING it down, absolutely SLASHING it down!" James likes weather.

I love this part of the day, when we're all together, it's very comforting.

2006-11-20T20:49:00.000Z

Even though James can read quite well himself now, we still read him a story every night. I really enjoy this time. For one the books we read are quite entertaining, at the moment we are reading "How to train your parents". At first I was a bit dubious, but it's very good and it has a message, for parents, the message is:

Take time to listen to your children, listen to their hopes and dreams, to their fears and worries, take them seriously.

Sometimes I forget to do that, but I try to remember.

***********************

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.
~ Red Auerbach ~

I love music and I love words. This quotation comes from here

*********************

Steve is home, even though we're both a bit tired and grumpy, I'm glad he's home and I'm glad I'm married to him!